Barney Fife: Gun-drawing practice, ten minutes every day. Writer(s) Dud Wash: Well, you just let him try!

Barney Fife: All I’m saying is that there are some things beyond the ken of mortal man that shouldn’t be tampered with. This is Sheriff Taylor! Barney Fife: A boob that’s what I am, a boob! Briscoe Darling: [to Andy] That ain’t fair; her hittin’ first and explainin’ the rules after. Andy Taylor: [Picking up the phone] Sarah? You must be a registered user to use the IMDb rating plugin. Andy comes up with a clever solution to the whole mess.

Andy Taylor: [on the phone] If you don’t want magazine subscriptions or your septic tank pumped out, there’s a sign you can get that says, “No solicitors.”

Barney Fife: Listen here, Ernest T. Bass!



[after a haircut at Floyd’s]

No more fishin’, no more ball playin’, no more peanut butter sandwiches. Andy Taylor: Like what, Mrs. Wily? No, Sarah, I wouldn’t rather talk to Juanita at the diner; just get Thelma Lou. Briscoe: Ernest T. Bass, you're a low-down pesky buzzard...Doggone ya! Keep track of everything you watch; tell your friends. Otis was drunk! C’mon, Goober; do Cary Grant. [Turns away from the window, then turns back] The songs of the Darlings play an important part in the episode, which starts to feel like a musical at times (though with no detriment to the plot). [snapping fingers in rhythm] Goober Pyle: Be glad to. Goober Pyle: I love picnics. Andy Taylor: Uh, Barn. You ever think of that?” Mr. Judy. Briscoe Darling: Dud, did you tell Ernest T. Bass the Sheriff wanted to see him? Barney Fife: A dog can’t get struck by lightning. Barney Fife: He asked me what line.

Memorize them until you can say them in your sleep. If you let them take forty, they’ll take forty-five. Briscoe Declares for Aunt Bee

Gomer Pyle: Boob? Aunt Bee Taylor: Well… Go on home and leave these people alone!

Let me try; Judy, Judy, I can’t do it. He even resorts to kidnapping her. Andy Taylor: Oh, sure. [the Darlings have come to Andy for help with Ernest T. Bass] Judy. Barney Fife: Now Andy, if you let them take thirty, they’ll take thirty-five. If you…

What else do you want me to do? I drew a line on the sidewalk and told him to walk it.

Andy Taylor: Where can we find this Ernest T. Bass? Andy Taylor: I declare, Floyd, I believe you’re getting the hang of it. Barney Fife: Let’s get this film down to the lab at Mrs. Mason’s drugstore. Briscoe: Thank you Miss Bee, your kisses are prized and highly valuable... but they just ain't worth the pain. If I ever have to use this baby, I want to teach it to come to papa in a hurry.

Barney Fife: I’m surprised at you, Andy.

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